Through the course of writing this book, my preconceived ideas of what I was doing began to unravel.
The biggest one was I arrogantly underestimated the importance of our childhood experiences and their influence on our immediate, automatic emotional responses we carry as adults.
Grasping this point here then led me down not a rabbit hole but something more akin to an ant farm of trails and tunnels that either dead-ended somewhere or turned back around unto themselves. Through this process of writing, I was also reading other books, research journals and being led to another book and then another. In the end, I have been remodeling my brain in ways I never imagined and becoming re-acquainted with my beautifully curious mind I seemed to have neglected for some time.
While I am a person who does not believe that I have zero control over my own life and instead at the whim of some omniscient force, I do, however, hold space for miracles. And one in particular was the fact that at some point in time I was compelled to journal my life and document as a child some of the most important times for me in my personal & emotional development.
What this meant is that as I dissected my past to find the root causes of my adult behaviors, I did not have to rely on starved memories of what happened as interpreted by a woman in her 40's – I could literally read, like a newspaper article – exactly what happened and how I felt described in the words of the child I was at the time. But the real miracle was not that I chronicled everything but that in the course of 30 plus years – they were all saved and available to me to read again. To me, this is a sign that Universe knew all along I’d need the road map to find my way and conspired to make it so. And I'm grateful for my mother never throwing them away.
If you have children, I would encourage you to introduce them to a diary. Capturing their activities on social media is not the same as sitting down and writing. A journal not only lets them privately document their lives but it is an exercise that will teach them to be self-reflective and to be able to articulate their feelings, especially if they are having difficulties being understood.
And if they ever get lost along the way in their lives, you have given them a way back.